Hello Friends

I ended up underneath a taxi this week.
I was running across the road in my new cotton black bubble dress carrying a baby Christmas tree wrapped in baby blue wrapping paper and a thick black satin bow, when I hailed a taxi on the other side of the road. Only, I slipped and went into the air and flew onto the ground and he drove over me.

He didn’t hit me (thank Christ) and I’m not badly injured. Or not as injured as what I could/should have been. Just a bit roughed up from my elbow to my ankle on one side.

I guess that’s why I don’t believe in accidents. I believe in lessons and wake-up calls.

However, at the time I didn’t feel like taking a moment to reflect on that. I was stuck in the moment of maintaining last weeks editorial of ‘no bother’ and so as I lay under the taxi I decided, “Fuck you! This is not very summer, not staying here.”
Hence when my very concerned friends asked me what was wrong, I was like, “Nothing, it was an accident.”

‘I’ve got it’, I’m fine, I’ve already possessed it, I’ve written a book about what happens when you are ‘not in the moment’ and I’m over moments like those/ these.
“But you don’t believe in accidents,” said my friend.

“I do now. I’m a pina colada! A fun in the sun only person, no bother okay!”
Clearly not.

I don’t know why I decided I had to react like Anthony Robbins personified. But I see that it’s something that I’ve been pushing myself with since the dawn of time.
I was born thinking I should have ‘got it’ yesterday. I used to play games with myself were I’d test my speed and put myself under ridiculous amounts of pressure trying to test the boundaries of how well I could do things in very minimal time. But I’m afraid of cars. I don’t drive because I’m petrified of hitting someone (go figure).
I’ve only recently started (and finished) crossing roads without a traffic light.
But the thing is when you think you should have ‘got it’ you attract people who are happy with you ‘getting it’ and not wanting it any other way.

So, if something runs you over on a deeper level and you need to question, or probe often they are like,' That might require something of me'. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
So when I had my altercation with the gravel I practically jumped up, said I was fine, got on with it and thought that would be it.

But the next day my ribs and the rest of the right side of my body didn’t think that was the case.

Clearly! And the people around me were not satisfied with my, “It was about me not being in the moment,” speech. Why?

Perhaps they weren’t concerned that I having a moment would cost them some of theirs?

But most probably because clearly being in the moment does not mean boycotting the moment completely.

It was I was trapped in my moment from last week – of being bother free.
One big pina colada person who is always able to cope and doesn’t need anything.
However, sometimes I think we all forget that we keep ourselves under the taxi and hence the need to be bother less for people to be bothered with me has well and truly passed.

It took the taxi for me to recognise why I am not metaphorically under the taxi anymore.

Life has changed and so have the people I am with.

Instead of them saying, “Great, grab your crutches and let’s go to five parties,” or “I’ll go see you in a couple of days when you are not being negative,” they kept probing me with genuine concern that I didn’t seem to want to express any.

But I wouldn’t give it up! Hence as I became trapped I got more inflexible (literally), refusing to see that moments were passing me by as I kept suppressing that the moment quite rightly upset me and hurt.

It all ended in situation I think we have all been in before, when we let loose about a totally unrelated issue.

Only, instead of the person looking at me like I was dumb or horrible for being angry they totally got it.

It was really about a cracked rib – but I was ranting about a chicken.
I exploded.

“I don’t want a chicken salad. I don’t want to say thank you for the chicken salad. I’m sick of being grateful for the chicken salad, looking at the salad, learning about the salad when the salad is not what I want, I’m over chicken.”

“Okay well you never mentioned that before. What do you want now?” they asked.
“Options. That’s what I want. Options. I’m over ‘the moment.’ I don’t give rats about the international ‘no bother’ policy. I have a new policy.”

A smile exploding on their faces. Followed by, “So, what is it?”
“It’s ‘don’t fence me in’,” I screeched.
‘Fine’, their eyes sparkling.
Here is the menu……

And I realized I have all the options in the world and its okay if I take my time choosing something with a bit more flavour.

Staying in the moment doesn’t mean that you totally deny what happens. It means dealing with the moment step by step and allowing yourself to focus on what happened at that precise moment so you don’t let the moment live on.
“I don’t want to be bothered. I don’t want to,” I spluttered.
Followed by, “I’m a fucking pina colada.”
(What the?)
But thankfully they didn’t say that. They said:

“Emms you don’t like pina coladas you like martinis. Most people make a shit martini, that’s why they drink pina coladas!

And I let the moment go…..It was only a moment. I was bothered but I’m still…
Moving on up! Moving on out! Nothing can stop me now!

x  Email me, Emma-Kate Dobbin
editor@tootstar.com