Hello Friends,

I have a theory on morning people.

There are those who are and those who are not. 
(You'll be pleased to know it doesn't finish there)
Technically, none of us are morning people because even if you are (a morning person so to speak) you never get to be one as no-one wants to spend the morings with you anyways.

Why? People hate your chipper ways.
I’m a morning person. If I don’t anticipate my own alarm clock, I’m depressed.

Even with a hangover I wake, scream in an upbeat fashion, eat bad food and return to bed.

This morning was a clear indication of how I am during the weekdays with a hangover.

I woke up at 6:23am. My clock goes off at 6:30am in winter! I turned on Midget, read my star signs, yelled “Fuck,” because they were not that great and vowed to never read them again. (I do this everyday).

I then ran into my bathroom and turned on my favourite station 103.2 (God FM). It’s a religious station and while I’m not religious I have a thing for a bit of JC inspired music first thing. So while it’s nice that some may fantasise about having a shower with me, in reality, for a lot of people, this detail would make me hell on earth.

But back to the steam room. I turned God up, started the shower, jumped in, looked up to the skylight, threw my hands in the air and started air punching and busting a few moves to the sound of my favourite God FM songs.

So for any of the lovely men who have written to me telling of their addiction towards me, I possibly have the cure.

Mornings in the flesh with EKD; it’s the methadone to Internet-born lust.

Need more?

I also have a habit of waking up with a question. Despite how my publication sounds, it’s not questions on topics such as, what positions do you like to shag in? It’s more like this:

Slumbering tired man lies peacefully in bed dreaming of a life without work. Curly-haired moppet awakes at 6:15am, is bored, can’t sleep, has questions, needs answers, looks to the person lying beside her and decides:

Of all the people in the world you are the one to answer my questions. You, who are snoring, have sleep caught in your eye and look so peaceful that only an evil, mean person, the type of person who likes to watch children cry, could want to wake you.

You are the person I need to answer my question; no-one else but you.

Don’t tap (that would be rude) just start talking.

So one would gather these questions must be important; the type of questions that could inspire a generation and cure world hunger; the type of questions many would beg for the opportunity to answer, right? Who wouldn’t be honoured to have such a young, inquiring mind demanding their attention?

Possibly you if you got woken with this:

“Is the word nice an adjective or a noun?”

“Psssssssst, do you know who I really like as a person?”

“Guess what I’ve got on today?”

“I’m hungry, are you?”

“Feed me.”

“Why not?”

Then comes coffee time. I love coffee. I like it so much that when I couldn’t find a decent cup of it in NYC I cried. Finally I had a friend who invited me over and made me one. My ‘special’ friend.

While other girls may be impressed with meeting a barrister, I’d much prefer the job title of barista. It’s my personal philosophy makith the coffee makith the man!

The other morning when swooning over my favourite coffee man he said, “Emma-Kate you only love me for my coffee.”

I looked at him, smiled and said, “Yes.”It was the morning after all and I didn’t want to bombard him with words.

But there is a cloud that hangs heavily over my morning sunshine. Being a morning person is not the most social person to be; unless you hang out with other morning people, which quite frankly bores me.

I like night people because I’m envious. I’m not a night time person. I’m a Nanna. I had friends apologising for ringing me at 10pm the other evening.

If I was with a morning person we might start jogging together and I might never go out past midnight. There is no balance in this concept.

I’d prefer to jog on my own and then come home and annoy someone sleeping.

I also need a person to help push me through the pain barrier of 11pm so I can sleep-in until 7:30am on weekends.

I spend most Sunday mornings looking at the clock and salivating as it gets closer to 10am so I’m allowed to make contact with people.

The inner city is a bitch and I hate shops that open at 10am. If it was my way I’d be meeting people at 7:45am! (I’m gross aren’t I?)

But I guess it’s true.

Morning people are a little enthusiastic and I do find life exciting. I do wake up literally excited (by the thought of drinking coffee). I kind of think it’s weird we all make out that it’s so much ‘cooler’ to be a cynical night owl. I’ve accepted I’m never going to be trendy because I also smile in photos. On the upside I figure if you are with me, at least I’m happy too see you. It’s better than if I woke up, looked around and yelled, “Oh Fark.” That wouldn’t be pretty – unless you can make coffee. But then they would say “Fark me,” and I’d be like, “No problem!”

And I wish I could say that it would change if you woke me at 4am, but that would be the morning so I’d probably just start shooting questions with a smile.

So you see, next time you want to be mean to a morning person, think again!

It’s not easy being me in the mornings.

Email me, Emma-Kate Dobbin
editor@tootstar.com