Love is a funny thing – beauty is just plain weird.

Yesterday I was waiting in a queue at the bank at 9am behind a disgusting couple who were doing their best to imitate a couple of dogs on heat.

There they stood mauling each other to death in front of their captive audience; biting, licking, sucking the other’s face simultaneously like carrion fowl on a dead carcass.

I dry retched internally at the ugliness of being forced into the kennel-time activities of two strays, all before having a coffee.

Then all of a sudden I noticed a woman who was being served by the teller staring at dogs. Weirdly this woman happened to look like a deformed cat. Why am I insulting special needs kitties? I’m not, I'm just mentioning humans who try to look like them by having their skin pulled too tight for their face don't do the feline race any justice.

You know the type - huge fake breasts, massive bee stung lips. Only no-one looks good just after a bee sting last time I thought about it. But then again she had obviously done that to herself to look beautiful.

Anyways, the cat turned to the two dogs salivating and biting each other who were practically humping in the line (did I just say humping? Yes! If you are confused why I would use such a disgusting turn of phrase think about when was the last time you saw two k9’s make love?).

So she called out, unable to contain her lustful envy,

“You are beautiful.”

“What?” I thought.

And then I looked at the love that glowed in her already weird Nicole Kidman alien looking skin that looked like it had been stripped of freckles and is shiny and almost see-through and glistening like someone covered her in Vaseline.

Again she called out,

“You’re beautiful,” she panted practically orgasming.

The female dog dropped her bone and said,

“Who is beautiful? Him or me?”

“Neither, you are both dogs,” I thought aware that I’m not a beautiful person on the inside or out without a coffee in the morning.

"You are beautiful together, you are both beautiful,” said the cat, a look of envy on her face.

If love is a funny thing then beauty is just plain weird.

Here is a woman that has butchered herself to obviously look a way that would bring her that type of love.

She wanted that kind of love where the pair are oblivious to their surrounds and what their actions were doing to those around. And yet it had eluded her.

She saw beauty in what I found ugly.

Yet to get what the dogs had she had turned herself into a cat!

The thing about beauty is it changes. Anyone that has ever run into an ex knows that.

Once you thought they were a God – now all you ask god about is what you were ever thinking? Or you can still see their beauty but it’s just no longer beautiful to you.

Then there is the type of beauty that lasts a lifetime.

There is certain magic in seeing too old people still holding hands and in love.

Yet it’s all debatable. What some people find beautiful is what makes them unattractive to others.

Attraction says more about us than we realize. Who or what we find beauty in often is where we are at in life.

I don’t think the saying should simply be “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

I think beauty is also the world of the beholder.

People obsessed with beauty – other people, not their own - live it.

People find beauty in addiction

People find beauty in being nasty.

Some people only find people beautiful that don’t think they are.

Then there are those who find someone else so beautiful they stop being themselves and turn into an animal, feeling a need to get it on at every opportunity.

As the two dogs left the bank and the deformed cat stared on enamored, I couldn’t help but think,

“How crazy beauty really is.”

It can make even the crazy seem wonderful and the wonderful seem

crazy.

It can unite dog and retarded cat.

And the weirdest thing about beauty is, it often creeps in to the most

random moments.

I looked the two dogs who were going for it all the way to the teller and I thought,

“How beautiful” I tried to think. But all I saw was a beautiful disaster!”